Cheshire

 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

-A conversation between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland

I wish I had been the one to have this conversation. I’m afraid it might have gone differently though.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

“No, wait. It actually does matter. I wanna go to that castle on top of the hill. I think I wanna rule this kingdom. I have always wanted to be a queen.”

“Well, in that case, you have to take that road to your left.”

“Right. Thanks… Uhm, no. Look at that beautiful beach with the sea glistening, winking at me. I have always liked the water. Oh, and I could already imagine the feel of the sand under my feet.”

“Through the forest behind me you first have to go.”

“Yey! Thanks so much… But wait, if I wanna go to the beach and have fun there, don’t I first have to go home and finish my homework? It’s been lying on my desk for ages. So… which way is my house?”

“From right where you came from, don’t you think?’

Nervous laugh. “Right. Sorry for the trouble. I’ll be off then. See you later.”

A second later…

“Cat? Cat? Caaat? I need your head right now… Or at least your mouth so you can talk to me… About that ‘It doesn’t matter which way I go”, I think I wanna try it out. So, uhm, where should I go?… Right, it doesn’t matter… Hm, but you see, that doesn’t make much sense. What if I…”

“Boo!”

“Ah!!!”

I fall off a cliff and die.