Problem

Will you be my problem?

I am in need of one

I lie in bed at night

Thinking about death and whatnot

While other girls walk around

Begging for love

I don’t mean that I’m better

I just mean that I am different

While they wait for a call or a knock on the door

My thoughts in the ceiling

They fly and they soar

I don’t have real issues

That’s what I reckon

It is arrogant, yes

But the truth, it beckons

I flip through pages of Harry Potter

‘What is Ron’s role?’ I wonder

I watch the Kardiashians and then wonder how they feel

They exploit themselves to pay their bills

All of these thoughts will not be in my mind

If you were my problem before I sleep at night

I’d wonder if you talked to Amy

If you find her cute, if you find her funny

I’d wonder if your friends or family like me

If I was rough enough, polite enough, smart enough

Whatever is their liking

I’d wonder if you’d call in the middle of the night

Asking if you could stay over until there is light

I’d wonder in the darkness if you really loved me

Or did I just entertain you, a flight of your fancy

If I were with you, I would be neurotic

But at least my neurons will be good for something

I’ll question my beauty, my value, my entire existence

But I wouldn’t know that because I’d just think about your presence

I’d just wonder if you loved me, loved me, or loved me

I will not think about my individuality

I will not think about my successes and beautiful fails

The meaning of my life and the death that it entails

Yes, I’ll choose you to be my problem

It’s got a sugar coating and the icing is you

With or without your permission

My problem now will only be you

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Ed

I listened to Ed Sheeran for the first time in months

For every line a new memory comes

No more tears now

Only thoughts arise
You said you don’t like him

He’s just a guy with a guitar

You’re just practicing with the chords 

And the notes on the bars
You don’t relate to him

Yet I relate his songs to you

For the words, the beat, and the hymn

All remind me of you
You used to sing ‘Thinking Out Loud’

And I’d ask you to stop

No one else can sing it

Besides the man with the carrot top
‘Mah, my, mah, my’ you used to sing

It was awful, made my ears ring

I like those raspy, spontaneous rifts

But your voice sends me to laughing fits
You thought ‘All of the Stars’ is for his grandma

You even had a story about him looking at the skies

It’s for a movie, for the cinema

It’s a love song, you dumbass
When I was a mess, I still told you to ‘Lay it all on me’

You did and the weight crushed me

You asked me if I could still take it

I couldn’t but of course I faked it
Earlier this year, I was singing this for you

‘You need me, I don’t need you’

I did need you at that time

But even yourself, you could not find
I continued to pick up the pieces

To make a Lego house

You never picked any of the pieces

So I had to knock it down
I don’t wanna listen to your voice or your stories

I don’t wanna carry your baggage or any pieces

I finally truly do not need you

Listen to this, ‘I am happier without you.’

Fade


There was a lady

Who was looking sternly at me

You were standing not far away

In the darkness, I couldn’t see

The look on your face
The room started shifting

Floors were elevating

Ceilings were falling

And yet you stood, unmoved

Standing far away from me
People were saying things

Things I could not make out

What are the words that they are mumbling

For the life of me

I don’t know what they’re talking about
I stood at the end of the aisle

I could just make out the silhouette of your back 

The smoke was too thick

I had to wait a while

First an unsure step, a run, and then an attack

By the time I got to you

You were facing me all right

But those cold cold eyes

Sent shivers down my spine
I retreated slowly slowly

If I walked away slowly enough

You might change your mind and try to catch up

I walked farther away, slowly slowly

You didn’t catch up

You just faded away

Slowly

Slowly

An Ode

Image

You taught me to look at a high branch

And see it as a goal

That I could reach whatever I want 

No matter if it’s big or small
You taught me to care for a dog

And love it like family

That sure they bark, snarl and bite

But they have the heart of a darling
You taught me that the lights of a firework

Are not just some powder exploding

It is the sound that the eyes can see

When the ears couldn’t hear a thing
You taught me to love when you’re at the end of your string

Every human is good and deserving

Of the forgiveness and humanity

That from your heart eternally springs
You taught me to take wounds

As a sign of your strength

You’ve been beaten and trudged on

But you’ll fight till the end of your breath
You taught me to play like I were a kid

To ride, to run, and even to fall

You’ve sowed a baby seed

Of awe and wonder deep in my soul
You taught me to marvel at the simplest of things

Sitting on the second floor of a two-decker bus

Walking at the airport, pulling our bags

Nothing can ever match that sparkle in your eyes
You taught me to laugh and to live and to love

I am who I am because of your laughter, life, and love

Thank you for the lessons that I have learned through the years

They will be with me through happiness and tears